At a certain point in your life, you’ll have the crushing realization that your parents won’t last forever. This may cause you to panic and ask more questions of them, such as “how do you make gravy for Thanksgiving?” or “where was Great-Grandma Coleman born?”

At this point, you may realize that it will be up to you (and your siblings) to oversee the care of your aging parent and to plan your parent’s funeral someday. 

How do you talk to your parents about end-of-life wishes? Here are some tips to help you through the list of questions to ask parents before they die.

1. Enlist the help of your siblings.

If you have siblings, having these end-of-life discussions with your parents should be more comfortable. After all, there’s strength in numbers.

Start a text or conversation with your siblings on the best approach for broaching this subject with your mom and dad. Make sure you involve everyone in the conversation.

You may find out that your older brother already had this discussion with your dad. While it may relieve you that some information has already been gathered, ask about the specifics. You don’t want to rely on the memory of your brother fifteen years from now when you need to know if your parent wanted to be buried or cremated. 

Those discussions will lay the groundwork for the work that needs to be done in making specific end-of-life plans.

2. Come up with a plan for having the “end-of-life discussion.”

Some guides on this subject advise giving parents advanced notice when you wish to talk about wills, life insurance, and funerals, but this is dependent on the personalities of your family members. 

Would your mom be more open in talking about her final wishes while sitting around at a family dinner, or is she the type who needs weeks to organize her thoughts and research to prepare for the end-of-life discussion?

If your parents are the type of people who would rather avoid difficult conversations at any cost, the more casual approach may yield more information. 

If you find that your parent(s) are reluctant to have this conversation, explain why you wish to have this discussion. Here are some talking points to encourage your parents to disclose what they may feel is their private financial or health information.

“We want to be able to fulfill your final wishes.”

“We don’t want to have to pay lawyers to sort through the details of your estate.”

“We’re worried that making these decisions after you die will cause family arguments.”

“Making your own end-of-life plans is one of the best gifts you can give to us.”

3. Ask end-of-life discussion questions and take notes.

Here are some of the questions to ask your parents. 

Financial Questions

• Do you have enough savings to retire comfortably? 
• Do you have long-term care insurance?
• Do you have a will or trust? Where is it located? Who is the executor?
• Do you have a life insurance policy? Where are the details of the policy?
• Would you allow one of your children to be given a power of attorney for financial and health matters? 
• What other bills do you have? Where are those documents located?
• Where can we find details regarding your financial assets? 

Other End-of-Life Questions

• Who is your healthcare power of attorney?
• Have you made your end-of-life care decisions? 
• Do you have a “Do Not Resuscitate” form (DNR)?
• Have you made your funeral arrangements? 
• Would you like to be cremated or buried? 
• Where would you like to have your remains rest for eternity? 
• Have you chosen a funeral home?

4. Turn your parent’s final wishes into formal documents and pre-purchased plans.

While there are certainly benefits to having these difficult conversations with your family members, they are only beneficial if you (or your parents) follow-through with the discussion. There are many end-of-life planning websites and cremation planning guides, that will aid you with the forms your parents need to sign and the documents you need to gather. 

You may need to nudge your parents to follow through with an estate-planning attorney. You may also find yourself having to do a bit of the heavy lifting regarding end-of-life planning as well.

5. Let Smart Cremation help.

We know that having end-of-life discussions with your parents may not be easy, but both you and your parents will feel relieved once the decisions have been made and the documents have been completed.

Smart Cremation provides services in California, Washington, Oregon, Florida, Texas, Nevada, and Arizona. Their end-of-life experts will help walk you and your parents through the pre-planning process.